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so, it seems that I’m a Palm Pilot after all 
#PDA
ironically, the more “omg this explains so many mysteries about myself” diagnoses i learn (ADD! HSP! #ActuallyAutistic!), the more exhausted and frustrated i feel — if i had heard these concepts earlier in my life, i could have spent all these decades fixing my shit or at least not constantly berating myself for it
but also, I’m frustrated at my various therapists (and managers and friends and coworkers) for hearing me describe the exact irrational / atypical experiences this youtuber does, and simply shrugging, or suggesting ineffective pabulums like “just make it a habit!” or “give yourself a little treat after!” or whatever, then flouncing away while i flounder and fail
(i mean I’m frustrated at the little versions of these people in my head; obviously I know that most of the real people were trying their best to be supportive and I can’t blame them)